15 August 2010

I have been reading a few books that talks about dating and lifelong commitment in marriage. A few of my favourites would be I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris and Relationships that Work (and those that don’t) by Norman Wright.

There are differences and similarities shared by every couple. Similarities often satiate while differences often attract. Differences are rarely the cause of conflict in a marriage. However, problems arise from our similarities. This means differences are the occasion while similarities are the cause. Differences often attract in the first place, then irritate, then frustrate, then illuminate and finally may unite us. Nevertheless, the uniqueness of the other one often attracts in a way that one would either accept or gets irritated.

And for many years, people often ask the same question – “When you marry, do you end up marrying someone who is your opposite or someone who is similar?”

There is a list by Dr Neal Warren (in the book Finding the Love of Your Life) which I would highly recommend to couples who are dating exclusively and thinking about the next level.

Which of these have you thought about?

1. Socioeconomic background of family
2. Intelligence
3. Formal education
4. Verbal skills
5. Expected roles for both persons within the marriage
6. Views about power distribution within the family
7. Desired number of children
8. When a family should be started
9. Child-rearing views
10. Political philosophy

11. Views about smoking, alcohol and drugs
12. Amount of involvement with in-laws
13. Sense of humour
14. Punctuality
15. Dependability
16. Desire for verbal intimacy and ability to be intimate
17. The role of conflict and how to resolve it
18. The way to handle anger
19. How friendships with the opposite sex should be handled
20. Expected amount of privacy and rules for its use

21. Level of ambition
22. Life goals
23. Attitudes about weight
24. Religious and spiritual beliefs and preferences
25. Amount of church involvement
26. Family spiritual involvement
27. Hobbies and Interests
28. Type of music enjoyed
29. Energy level of physical activities
30. Sexual drive and sexual interests

31. Amount of income to be spent and saved
32. How money should be allocated (clothes, vacations, etc.)
33. Amount of money to be given away and to whom
34. Degree of risks to be taken with investments
35. Attitudes about cleanliness — house, clothes, body, etc
36. Ways of handling sickness
37. Health standards — when to see a doctor
38. Interpersonal and social skills
39. Amount and type of social involvement preferred
40. Geographical area in which to live

41. Size and style of house
42. Type of furniture and decorations
43. Amount and type of travel preferred
44. How to spend vacations
45. How to celebrate major holidays
46. How much time to spend together
47. When to go to sleep and get up
48. Temperature of home during the day and night
49. Activity during meals (talking, watching TV, etc.)
50. Television programs preferred

If you are in a relationship right now, how well do you know what your bf or gf knows, thinks or does about each of these 50 items? How well does the other half know what you believe, think or do regarding these items?

Isn’t it time to discover this before going any deeper into a relationship?

Working together to achieve compatibility is the ultimate educational experience! Happy Discussing!

13 August 2010

Today, I not just witnessed the sincerity of friendships but I know such friendships are valuable and genuine.

Not only they went the extra mile to witness a celebration, but to immediately return to work or whatever plans they have for the day reminded me how busy one can be. One had to rush for a meeting, while one had a funeral to attend.

And with such hectic schedules, they are still here to stand by me.

I am completely touched and they are the reason why I believe in genuine friendships. They are the reason why I believe in friendship forever.

Friends like these are rare and hard to find. It’s like finding needles in the sand.

I hereby toast to such friends who were there with me this morning. I love all of you.

I am definitely missing them when I am in the US.

4 August 2010

I hate to say this but people who do not deserve my attention are meant to be ignored completely. Is this true?

What is the point of being nice to someone when one gives you hot and cold shoulders? One minute she is warm and friendly and the next minute she is utterly cold and takes you for granted. One second he gives you advice and solutions to all problems, the other second he blames you for being the root of the problem. Is this true?

The very moment we proclaimed the advantages of teamwork, we believed that United We Stand, Divided We Fall. But somehow, the slogan held its meaning only for a split second. What teamwork? Where is teamwork? Somehow the team members went missing or some of them started to row over disagreements. Some even didn’t care what’s going on. Some preferred not to know what’s going on. Is this true?

You tried very hard to sell an idea to the group. They loved your ideas and promised to be there. After a while, when you started to include them in the process, they either criticised you or told you in the face that they do not like to be involved. They ran away and only one or two stayed to assist you out of obligation. Perhaps they bought your story simply because they were running out of ideas too. Might as well use your idea rather than cracking their own brains. Is this true?

He does not like him. She does not like her. She does not like him. He does not like her. Please do not include her. I will not come if you include him. And this goes on and on and it is just plain annoying when people behaved like a 10-year old. Face the fact that there is no one perfect in this world. Both you and I are equally imperfect. Both you and I have our distinct uniqueness and yet carrying some flaws which not everyone can tolerate. Are we going to choose to accept each other’s flaws or continue to act like capricious kids?

I guess I have said enough today for Ignorance is Bliss.    :)

28 July 2010

I’m currently watching the most recent TVB series “Beauty Knows No Pain” (女人最痛). 女人最痛 in Chinese literally means ‘Women’s Most Painful”.

The show premiered on July 26, 2010, and is slated to air for 20 episodes five nights a week. Hence, my couch is going to be on fire again.

How can I miss such series with such interesting cast? This modern series drama follows the lives of three women — Jackie, Miss Cash, and Bibi, portrayed by Maggie Cheung Ho-Yee, Michelle Yim, and Joyce Tang respectively.

This drama revolves around the cosmetics industry and how women struggle to win the hearts of clients, bosses as well as life partners.

女人最痛 — Coming back to this title, what hurts women most? What is the most painful thing on earth to women? I debated with my mum on this as we watched the 2nd episode of this series.

First thing that came into my mind was labour pain. The amount of pain women have to go through after 40 weeks of pregnancy at the delivery room is simply unbearable and unmeasurable. Mum definitely agreed with me undoubtedly but that is just a form of physical pain.

Mum said the most painful thing on earth to women will be 男人变心. It means when a man changes his heart for the other. I immediately felt the sharp pierce in my heart when she said that. 男人变心 is definitely a powerful phrase as I could feel the pain as my mum explained why it is painful. It is no doubt one of the greatest pain one have to go through.

I guess I have said enough for this blog entry. It is time for the readers to deliberate what is painful and what is not.