15 August 2010

I have been reading a few books that talks about dating and lifelong commitment in marriage. A few of my favourites would be I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris and Relationships that Work (and those that don’t) by Norman Wright.

There are differences and similarities shared by every couple. Similarities often satiate while differences often attract. Differences are rarely the cause of conflict in a marriage. However, problems arise from our similarities. This means differences are the occasion while similarities are the cause. Differences often attract in the first place, then irritate, then frustrate, then illuminate and finally may unite us. Nevertheless, the uniqueness of the other one often attracts in a way that one would either accept or gets irritated.

And for many years, people often ask the same question – “When you marry, do you end up marrying someone who is your opposite or someone who is similar?”

There is a list by Dr Neal Warren (in the book Finding the Love of Your Life) which I would highly recommend to couples who are dating exclusively and thinking about the next level.

Which of these have you thought about?

1. Socioeconomic background of family
2. Intelligence
3. Formal education
4. Verbal skills
5. Expected roles for both persons within the marriage
6. Views about power distribution within the family
7. Desired number of children
8. When a family should be started
9. Child-rearing views
10. Political philosophy

11. Views about smoking, alcohol and drugs
12. Amount of involvement with in-laws
13. Sense of humour
14. Punctuality
15. Dependability
16. Desire for verbal intimacy and ability to be intimate
17. The role of conflict and how to resolve it
18. The way to handle anger
19. How friendships with the opposite sex should be handled
20. Expected amount of privacy and rules for its use

21. Level of ambition
22. Life goals
23. Attitudes about weight
24. Religious and spiritual beliefs and preferences
25. Amount of church involvement
26. Family spiritual involvement
27. Hobbies and Interests
28. Type of music enjoyed
29. Energy level of physical activities
30. Sexual drive and sexual interests

31. Amount of income to be spent and saved
32. How money should be allocated (clothes, vacations, etc.)
33. Amount of money to be given away and to whom
34. Degree of risks to be taken with investments
35. Attitudes about cleanliness — house, clothes, body, etc
36. Ways of handling sickness
37. Health standards — when to see a doctor
38. Interpersonal and social skills
39. Amount and type of social involvement preferred
40. Geographical area in which to live

41. Size and style of house
42. Type of furniture and decorations
43. Amount and type of travel preferred
44. How to spend vacations
45. How to celebrate major holidays
46. How much time to spend together
47. When to go to sleep and get up
48. Temperature of home during the day and night
49. Activity during meals (talking, watching TV, etc.)
50. Television programs preferred

If you are in a relationship right now, how well do you know what your bf or gf knows, thinks or does about each of these 50 items? How well does the other half know what you believe, think or do regarding these items?

Isn’t it time to discover this before going any deeper into a relationship?

Working together to achieve compatibility is the ultimate educational experience! Happy Discussing!

13 August 2010

Today, I not just witnessed the sincerity of friendships but I know such friendships are valuable and genuine.

Not only they went the extra mile to witness a celebration, but to immediately return to work or whatever plans they have for the day reminded me how busy one can be. One had to rush for a meeting, while one had a funeral to attend.

And with such hectic schedules, they are still here to stand by me.

I am completely touched and they are the reason why I believe in genuine friendships. They are the reason why I believe in friendship forever.

Friends like these are rare and hard to find. It’s like finding needles in the sand.

I hereby toast to such friends who were there with me this morning. I love all of you.

I am definitely missing them when I am in the US.

4 August 2010

I hate to say this but people who do not deserve my attention are meant to be ignored completely. Is this true?

What is the point of being nice to someone when one gives you hot and cold shoulders? One minute she is warm and friendly and the next minute she is utterly cold and takes you for granted. One second he gives you advice and solutions to all problems, the other second he blames you for being the root of the problem. Is this true?

The very moment we proclaimed the advantages of teamwork, we believed that United We Stand, Divided We Fall. But somehow, the slogan held its meaning only for a split second. What teamwork? Where is teamwork? Somehow the team members went missing or some of them started to row over disagreements. Some even didn’t care what’s going on. Some preferred not to know what’s going on. Is this true?

You tried very hard to sell an idea to the group. They loved your ideas and promised to be there. After a while, when you started to include them in the process, they either criticised you or told you in the face that they do not like to be involved. They ran away and only one or two stayed to assist you out of obligation. Perhaps they bought your story simply because they were running out of ideas too. Might as well use your idea rather than cracking their own brains. Is this true?

He does not like him. She does not like her. She does not like him. He does not like her. Please do not include her. I will not come if you include him. And this goes on and on and it is just plain annoying when people behaved like a 10-year old. Face the fact that there is no one perfect in this world. Both you and I are equally imperfect. Both you and I have our distinct uniqueness and yet carrying some flaws which not everyone can tolerate. Are we going to choose to accept each other’s flaws or continue to act like capricious kids?

I guess I have said enough today for Ignorance is Bliss.    :)

29 July 2010

ISAIAH 40

Comfort for God’s People

1 “Comfort, comfort my people,”
says your God.

8 The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”

18 To whom can you compare God?
What image can you find to resemble him?

31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

*************************************************

Those are some of my favourite verses from the passage of Isaiah 40 and how this passage relate to us.

We can say life is like a continuous documentary showing the hollow actions of people trying to live without a biblical hope, as one looks onto God as the only defense and refuge. We unquestionably live in a strife-ridden world, one torn by wars, by earthquakes, by diseases and incurable illnesses, by injustices and corrupt governments run by money-is-never-enough-in-accounts’ politicians.

How much despair and injustice life can be? How much can one handle thorns and weeds in life? But the truth is biblical comfort through the Word does not simply chop down the thorns and the weeds that cause us pain. It digs around in the soil of our lives to loosen soil around the roots, and then we have to pull out the roots instead.

Where is God? In times like this, we kept questioning with our face tilted up, facing the heavens and questioned repeatedly “GOD, Where are you?”.

The good news is God cares about our hearts. That is no doubt. Nevertheless, man is responsible to come to God by faith and to choose the right path (read: His path). Whatever problems and discomforts you have, keep on pouring to Him. He listens and He cares. He surely cares for you and me.

I remind myself daily about to emphasize on finding comfort by keeping our focus on the Lord. FOCUS! Yes, the word is Focus.

Regardless of the difficulties and storms ahead of our days, God definitely cares. Regardless of how much we could not comprehend His ways, God definitely cares.

Isaiah 40’s ending stresses about God’s care and desire for His people to experience His comfort. As it says for those who trust in Him will find new strength and they will soar like eagles!

Are you ready to soar like an eagle today?